Being resourced is having the systems and processes that maintain energy for keeping ourselves together when the going gets tough. How can we identify and rely on our resources in difficult times? The key is in self-awareness and understanding what fuels our resilience. It could be a supportive network of friends and family, coping strategies we’ve developed over time, or the ability to reach out for help when needed.
By recognizing these resources, we can cultivate a personal toolkit that empowers us to face adversity with courage and confidence. We all have the capacity to manage stress, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles and that we possess the strength to rise above hardships.
There are simple processes we can use to ground ourselves when we are stressed or in the midst of emotional upheaval.
When we are in survival mode, we forget or have a hard time accessing tools for coping. Being resourced is having touchpoints that help us re-center when we need to.
Think of it as being like a tree in a storm. It bends with the wind but it remains steady and rooted. This is what resourcing does for us. It gives us a base of steadiness that helps with stress management.
“On the other side of a storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.”
Gregory Williams
What Are Resources?
We all have coping mechanisms. Some may be healthier than others. Let’s all think for a moment about what has been helping you lately. Has anything been helping you with stress management lately?
‘If you have been feeling overwhelmed – welcome to the club. You’re not failing. You’re human. We all are allowed to be just as we are, whatever that looks like today.
So what does it mean to be resourced? Simply put its support that helps you weather the storm. Something that helps your feel more in balance when things get hard. Maintaining a state of equanimity – the ability to hold the good and the bad and remain okay.
Inner and Outer Resources
When we talk about resources, these are both inner and outer.
Inner: breath, body awareness, values, our own resilience
Outer: people who support us, tools we can use – going to get a massage, talking to a therapist, relying on your breath to calm down.
Think of something that soothes your body. For me it’s a bath. It could be exercise, a walk in nature, taking a nap. That’s a resource.
Now think of something that calms or redirects your thoughts – maybe listening to music or writing in a journal. Perhaps a mindfulness practice.
Finally, take a moment to consider who or what helps you feel supported? Friends, community, pets…These are all things that help us stay balanced in difficulty.
I spent last weekend in the company of 4 of my oldest friends. It was remarkable how balanced I felt the whole time. Reach out to those people in your life. Spend time with them, call them on the phone if you live far apart. It’s a remarkable support.
The invitation is for everyone to come up with a resourcing list. When you are feeling depleted, you can look at it and you don’t have to think too hard about what is helpful. Write down your practices, your happy places, the people you can always count on.
You already have resources, you just need to remember them. If you make a list it’s easy to find them when they are needed.
Everyone’s list will be completely different. That’s a good thing. This is a very individual practice.
Try This Quick Grounding Practice
Here’s a grounding practice – the extended exhale. This is one of the calming breathing patterns we can use to center ourselves. Exhale longer than inhale.
When we are stressed, our breath tends to be fast or shallow. This tells our nervous system that we are in danger. When we breathe slowly and intentionally, we send a message to our nervous system that everything is okay.
Try it for a moment – inhale for 4, exhale for 6. It’s not important that you count to 4, it’s important to count 2 more beats on your exhale. Even one minute of this can shift your nervous system to reset and relax.
Our self can be a source of safety and calm when we are resourced.
Can you notice any shifts after the grounding practice?
Our breath is always with us, it’s always available to help calm.
Resources You Might Not Think About
I’d also like to add acceptance as a resource. We spend so much time fighting against things we don’t like, and if we can find acceptance of what is difficult – as we say it does not mean that you like whatever it is, it just means that you acknowledge it is real and happening. It is – when we can find acceptance it is incredibly settling to the body.
“The more we fight against what is real, the more we suffer.”
Jack kornfeild
I used this practice this week around a difficulty that keeps coming up for me. I realized I was fighting the idea of this situation. It’s one of those interpersonal situations that you just can’t do anything about. When I asked myself – well, this is a true thing, it’s not within my power to change it. Can I just live with it and let it be? I felt my entire body settle, my shoulders dropped. I felt myself soften, something loosened and a little bit of peace replaced the struggle. There was an inner “yes”. When we set down the fight we can turn our energy to other things. Acceptance is a resource for managing stress and difficulty. We can rely on it to be helpful.
When things are difficult WE NEED COMPASSION. We are so quick to judge ourselves.
When we are struggling, meeting ourselves with compassion is very important. We can offer compassion to ourselves in whatever way feels good. Tara Brach says “ I care” to herself. You can tell yourself “This is hard, and I will be okay” or “I’m allowed to care for myself” Whatever resonates, you can say it softly to yourself.
If self care is hard to find, we can also use others to resource by visualizing those who support us. Imagine that person who is a source of love – they could be living or dead, it could also be a pet or a religious figure if that works for you. Think of how that person cares for you and turn those feelings on yourself. Really soak up the feeling of being cared for.
Right now, we need all the tools in the toolbox. Being resourced means we won’t let the stress of “all the things” drag us under. It won’t make things go away or change the difficulty – but our relationship to the difficulties is smoothed.
We are no good to the people who rely on us when we are exhausted, overwhelmed and dysregulated. Relying on our resources will help us get through this difficult time and any other future difficulties that may arise. It is possible to manage stress when we have the tools.